Don't Mess with my Chi

Yesterday was a bit of a frustrating day. After waking up with such a lovely HypnoBirthing dream, it seems that my feeling of serenity went the way of the Dodo. It's not that my workday was bad or anything. It was fine, actually. It's when we got to our HypnoBirthing class yesterday that it all fell apart.

It started off well enough. Last class, we were assigned a "Fear Release" exercise, where each couple wrote down some of their fears related to birthing and parenting, and then discussed it afterwards. We had done our homework the night before and had a great talk resulting from our fear points. It was quite liberating actually. During yesterday's class, we went around the room and briefly discussed the exercise, with each couple talking about its top fear. They included:

1. Interference from the in-laws and how to tell them to buzz off nicely :P
2. Financials
3. Work life after baby

After our brief discussion, we were taken through a relaxation exercise to release our fears. I was all excited because usually the relaxation exercises leave me quite serene. I leaned back on my chair, and as Natasha (one of our instructors) read out the relaxation script, it began.

First, my thought was, "Crap, my back hurts. This is so uncomfortable. Should I shift? Nah...this will last a bit longer. I can hang on." Then, my left leg started bugging me. I don't know quite how to describe it other than a weird shooting pain down my leg - kind of like when people get those pains that indicate that the weather is about to change. I told myself, "It's okay. You're being tested. Just remain calm. Wish the pain away." But I couldn't. And so I stiffened up my leg. And this caused a similar pain on my arm. And next thing I knew, my shoulders were tense, and then my neck. I started shifting in my chair, and furrowing my brow.

By the end of it, I couldn't wait for the relaxation exercise to end, because I felt that once it ended, I could at least be more at ease in my seat. Talk about counter-productive! The funny thing is that I was able to visualize most of the things that Natasha was talking about in her script. I still went through the fear-release steps in my mind, but I wasn't relaxed, and I fidgeted the whole time.

That little episode freaked me out. What if I can't remain calm when I'm in labor? What if I start getting this annoying shooting pain? I've had this shooting pain before, when we went to see a movie a few weeks back. I spent the entire 2 hours writing in my chair, stiffening my limbs. Shifting here and shifting there. It was excruciating!

Class ended late because it was our last class *snif* (though we have a make-up scheduled for that one class we missed a couple of weeks back). We didn't get home until 10:30pm, and I was pooped by then. A nasty thunderstorm the night before had kept me awake and I felt like I hadn't slept in days.

In spite of all this, the HypnoBirthing classes have been pretty empowering. Besides realizing that having a drug-free birth not only is good for me, I also know that it's good for the baby. Plus I know what to expect when it comes to L-Day (Labor Day :P). I know that I can tell them that I don't want doctors/nurses to break my water for me, and that I can decline an episiotomy, and that I can tell them to bugger off if they tell me to birth lying down. (Did you know there are TONS of birthing positions???)

The only thing that sucks is when I tell people about HypnoBirthing, and they roll their eyes at me, like I'm some new-age psycho or have been brainwashed by a cult. I hate defending my decision to go with HypnoBirthing. I'm not crazy. It's not part of a cult. Sure, it's not mainstream, and that's probably what gets people. We've been going along with birthing in hospitals with drugs and being seen as potential C-section candidates because that's the status quo. But just because something is the status quo doesn't mean that it's necessarily right.

People used to believe that the Earth was the center of the Universe. That was the status quo and people went along with it. Today, we know better, because science has taught us otherwise. Maybe someday HypnoBirthing and other birthing methods like it will become more mainstream and people will learn to embrace it. I guess until that happens, we have to deal with the fact that in the Medical Universe, the Earth is still flat and is still the center of the Universe.