Thursday, January 31, 2008

Week 13

My 13th week of pregnancy started out okay, until I got sick AGAIN! This whole weakened immune system bit is totally not cool. I really really really hope that I don't keep on getting sick like this for the next 6 months. Goodness knows what awaits me when PK starts going to daycare. The kid will be a walking germbag. Of course, by then, I'll hopefully be able to take something to at least relieve my symptoms, or even boost my immune system so that I don't keep getting sick. Oh, how I miss taking my beloved Cold FX. "Scientifically proven by scientists" goodness in a pill. :D

I don't know what I caught this time, but I sure as hell hope that it goes away on its own. It all started out with a tingling in my throat on Monday, and then, next thing I know, my throat feels like it's completely inflamed. Not a good start to the work week. That was made worse by the fact that I actually have to interact with people at work and therefore have to talk. This of course made things worse for my throat. Now I sit here in bed writing out this blog entry, struggling with a sore throat and oodles of phlegm. Just peachy!

Other than being sick, I'm having a hell of a time trying to not lie on my back. Apparently you shouldn't do it past 3 months, as it blocks some major artery which is certainly not something I'd want. It's not all that good for the kid either, so I'll just have to make due with not lying on my back on the couch or in bed. Phooey.

Oh, and to add to the joy, I'm definitely starting to pop out of my clothes. Mostly my pants, which is very annoying. My shirts seem to be holding up okay, which is good. I hesitate to go to a maternity store for pants when I'm not even really showing, but I'd rather do that than go shopping for bigger pairs of pants at a regular store. I call it "fear of fattiness". :P

Speaking of more fat, I've noticed that my upper-chest has been getting um...more endowed. I'm quite frankly a little disturbed by this. I'm kind of used to looking a certain way, and I'm not sure that I necessarily like the extra endowment. They just don't feel like they're actually mine when they're this big. I'm sure my husband would say otherwise though. :P

I probably sound way too cynical in this post, but I think it's just my bitterness over being sick talking, so don't take it too much to heart. Pregnancy has been a rather interesting experience thus far, and from what I've read, it is a pretty amazing accomplishment. The things that need to happen in order for that lowly sperm to fertilize an egg are nothing short of miraculous. You might as well stand on one foot and do a pregnancy chat, because it seems just as likely a way to get pregnant. Okay, so I'm exaggerating. Just having a little fun here!

Scarred Child

So I found out recently from one of my Chinese friends that PK - not the letters themselves, but sound made by pronouncing the two letters together in English - actually sounds like a Chinese word or expression (I'm assuming Cantonese since my friend is from HK) that essentially means to fall on one's face. Apparently it's used to tell someone off, like "go take a short walk off a long pier" (or, more appropriately, "go *bleep* yourself).

At any rate, I got a jolly good laugh out of it. It just goes to show that you never know if something that sounds so perfectly innocent in English will turn out to be incredibly insulting (or maybe even humorous!) in another language.

I'm sure when PK is old enough, he or she will get a good laugh out of it. Or perhaps when PK is in his/her teens, he/she will be completely embarrassed by the fact that

a) I kept a blog on the WWW sharing details of my pregnancy with whomever wants to read about it
b) I referred to him/her as PK, which may get him/her made fun of by his/her friends

Wow, I'm getting tired of referring to PK as he/she, him/her. Can I just refer to PK as "it" until I know the sex? Maybe that will add to more embarrassment later in life too...

Or maybe if I'm lucky, PK will inherit my sense of humor, which, in my humble opinion, is by far the world's greatest sense of humor. :)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Week 12

Apart from the ultrasound that I did last week, my 12th week of pregnancy was pretty uneventful, which is fine by me.

My first trimester was officially over on Thursday, and when I went to see my doctor that day, he said that I'm "in the game". That meant:

1. I could start telling friends and the rest of my family
2. I could start getting excited
3. I needed to start planning for the future!

The first order of business was to tell friends. I have to admit that I had a lot of fun with that. Apart from both sets of parents and my sis, nobody else really knew...or even suspected. So it was extra-fun to see the reactions on people's faces (or IM messages) when I told them. I think my most creative means of broadcast was in changing my Facebook status to "has a bun in the oven". It's kind of funny when I see myself writing that last sentence. I am amazed to think that when my parents were expecting, there was no Facebook or IM or e-mail.

Next, I can start getting excited. When I left the doctor's office on Thursday, I was given a stack of reading material and practice diapers. The newborn diapers are soooooooo teeny! I'm not quite sure what I'll use to practice putting them on though. Maybe my stuffed animals will volunteer for the task...

As for the planning part...in some ways it feels just like when I got engaged. Once the euphoria was over, the "oh my god, I have a wedding to plan" part kicked in. All of a sudden, wedding plans were in full gear, and for 6 months, that was the focus of my life. In some ways, the next 6 months are going to feel like that. I have a feeling that my life will start revolving around baby this and baby that. Trips to Pottery Barn Kids (to look, not too buy...too bloody expensive!), trips to Toys R Us (not that I ever needed an excuse to go there as an adult!), and trips to Baby Gap. What about daycare? What about baby names? What about pre-natal classes? The list just keeps growing and growing. Fortunately the hubby is super-supportive and understanding, so it will probably not be quite as daunting. At the same time, there is a long, bumpy ride ahead. Yee haw!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Snapshot

Today I had yet another ultrasound. I think this was #3. After the trauma of my first ultrasound, whereby I had to pee so badly that I thought I was going to explode right then and there on the examination table, I decided to pace myself with the water-drinking business. Unfortunately, I paced myself too much, and even though I'd started drinking a bit of water 2 hours before my appointment, I didn't start drinking the loads of water that I needed until about 15 minutes before the appointment. Needless to say, my bladder didn't feel all that full. And I couldn't fool the ultrasound technician either! She had enough experience to a) see that my bladder was near empty and b) suspect that I didn't stop drinking water until very close to my appointment. BUSTED!

Alas, there is a happy ending to this story. In spite of my lack of water intake, she was still able to get a snapshot of junior. Thank goodness, because I was not looking forward to chugging a whole whackload of water. The cool thing about this ultrasound is that at this stage, PK had visible arms and legs, and even hands and feet! Not only that, she gave us a picture to take home! So, without further ado, behold PK's Internet d├ębut:

Monday, January 21, 2008

Nightmare

I think that every pregnant woman's worst fear is miscarriage. With the odds of miscarrying being between 20% and 30% (depending on what you read and what doctor you talk to), the odds are scary. Ever since learning that I was pregnant, I've had the fear of miscarriage lurking in the back of my mind. I've tried to keep calm over the last few months, not allowing myself to get too excited over the whole thing. I don't want to start making any long-term plans until after the first trimester.

Both my parents and my in-laws are thrilled by my pregnancy, and probably don't quite understand why I don't share in their enthusiasm. The truth is, of course I'm excited. I just don't want to get too excited. Not until the first trimester is over. To be fair, you're never out of the woods. The chances of miscarriage just diminish drastically after the first trimester. If it's gonna happen, it's usually during the first trimester. A scary thought, to say the least.

It doesn't help that I keep having these recurring dreams (nightmares, really), of miscarrying. They all pretty much end the same way. I'm in the washroom, and I'm greeted by a spot of blood (sometimes a lot, sometimes a little) on the toilet paper (sorry, TMI). In the dream I scream and cry uncontrollably. Then I slowly come to the realization that it's just a dream and snap out of it. I turn to my husband who is sound asleep beside him and nudge him awake so that he can comfort me. He turns around and wraps his arms around me and I fall fast asleep.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Freakout #1

I labelled this Freakout #1 because I imagine that I'll be freaking out several more times before this kid actually pops out. I've tried to remain somewhat detached for the first few months of pregnancy, because of the risk of miscarriage. Of course, when I saw PK's little heart beating in the first ultrasound, things suddenly became A LOT more real. It was a "HOLY CRAP! There's a life growing inside of me!" type of moment. All of a sudden I saw my life flashing right before me, and I started to feel very old. I'm "only" 28, which is still fairly young for having kids, but all of a sudden, the thought of motherhood started making my youth slip away. All of a sudden I had the urge to swear more (yes, more than I already do), to travel the world, and to be free from authority. I guess I'm having an I'm-almost-30-and-I'm-gonna-have-a-kid crisis.

In some ways, I suppose I'd better become more mature. In other ways though, I feel that if I mature more into that maternal role, I'll suddenly lose my youth and become just another fuddy duddy. Freaky thought. Hopefully the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything will come to me by the time junior makes its world premiere.

Who is PK?

So here's the deal: when the hubby and I first got married, we were completely adverse to having kids. As the years went on, our aversion faded, especially with the birth of our nieces. We began talking about when we'd someday have a kid, and that became the Potential Kid, or PK. :)

Week 11

I'm almost at the end of the First Trimester, which is a relief. This basically means that the nausea, fatigue and weird aversions will be over and done with. I've already started seeing an improvement since last week, which is a HUGE relief. I'm typically a VERY energetic person, so to have the energy sucked out of me like some weird Dr. Frankenstein experiment was really really freaky.

I'm also glad that the weird food aversions are gone. It was starting to get on my nerves. Craving grilled cheese sandwiches and pasta all the time aren't exactly the best way to start off junior's life. Now I can focus on eating healthy food.

I'm still getting used to snacking throughout the day. I gave up snacking a long time ago when I started improving my eating and exercising habits. Mind you, I was eating mostly crap at that time. These days I'm forced to snack because I get these horrible hunger pangs which like to hit me at 9:30am and just after 5pm each day. Normally I'd ignore these hunger pangs and just drink lots of water to shut the stomach up, but for junior's sake, I'm heeding my stomach's warning. So, since I HAVE to snack, I try to keep it healthy: grape tomatoes, oranges, tangerines, and peaches. Keeps my stomach and my brain happy.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Week 10

I'm in my 10th week of pregnancy, and it has been quite the ride. I swear I don't know how so many women keep popping babies, because being pregnant is hard work.

The Nausea
Forget the so-called "morning" sickness. Yeah...try feeling queasy ALL THE FREAKING TIME!!! The first few weeks were really bad, where I had these really weird food aversions. It wasn't so much that eating certain foods made me puke. Rather, it was the THOUGHT of eating certain foods which made me feel a bit nauseous. So for a few weeks, the only things I could stomach were pasta, pizza, and bread. Definitely not the best diet in the world. The good news is that this weird food aversion has largely subsided, and I can return to a healthier diet. Yay! :) The other weird side-effect of this is that I have a COMPLETE shopping aversion (that includes buying shoes...). It's weird, I know. I think it's because in the weeks leading to Christmas, I spent most of my lunch hours walking in a zombie-like trance to the Eaton Center while feeling like crap. I think my brain just put two and two together and decided that shopping = pukey feeling.

Cravings
I swear that I think about food all the time, even when I'm feeling nauseous. Fortunately, my cravings tend to be healthy...otherwise, I'd be royally screwed. My cravings at the moment are: French baguettes, kalamata olives, anchovies, sardines, and tuna (flaked light tuna, not that white tuna crap), and fresh-squeezed OJ. I used to be fine with Tropicana. Heck, anything's better than that concentrate crap. Now, however, only fresh-squeezed will do. Oh, and I've taken to eating oranges too. Like I said, at least the cravings are healthy. :)

Ultrasounds
Ultrasounds have got to be one of the most annoying experiences EVER. During my first ultrasound in late December, I thought my bladder was going to explode. I had to go so badly by the time they called me in for my ultrasound that I thought I was going to lose it right there in the change room. Then the ultrasound technician started prodding my belly, and I thought I was really going to lose it on the table. I tried to think of non-liquidy thoughts while staring intently at the ceiling. Then I heard those wonderful words: "you can go pee now". I never in my life thought I would ever be so happy to hear those words. On top of that, the technician ended up doing a transvaginal ultrasound anyway. Why put me through all this pain??? I tell you, I'd rather have a transvaginal ultrasound any day over a regular ultrasound. At least I don't have to worry about bladder control.

All things aside though, it all became completely irrelevant once I saw the teensy little gray blob and the even teensier little gray blip that was my baby and its heartbeat. I swear I shed a tear... The hubby was called in to see it too, and I swear I've never seen him so giddy before. I think he'll make a great dad. :)

Exercise Routine
This pregnancy is totally messing up my exercise routine. I am normally an active and energetic person. These days, all I think about is sleep. Come 5pm, I feel like I've been sat on by a sumo wrestler, because my entire body feels heavy. Moving becomes very difficult, which is a problem for me because I need to haul my pregnant butt home.

I am determined NOT to become one of those gigantically fat pregnant chicks, so I force myself to exercise every single bloody day, even when all I want to do is sleep. I've had to take my workout down a notch since becoming pregnant. For example, I've cut out chin-ups and push-ups. Every time I got to the basement, I stare longingly at the hangboard, thinking of how much training I'd done to be able to do some hard-core sets of chin-ups. Ditto for push-ups. After I started rock climbing, I had finally developed my pectoral muscles nicely enough to the point where I was able to go from girlie push-ups to normal "manly" push-ups. But no longer. I stay away from those. I've also been staying away from any crunches or plank exercises to strengthen my abs. Too bad...I was on such a roll... That's okay though...I'll get back to it once junior pops right out. Or so I delude myself into believing that... :)

As for exercises I CAN do...I walk A LOT. I walk partway to work, and partway home from work. When I don't get a walk in, I've got a mini-stepper at home that I use for cardio. Hopefully we'll get a treadmill soon, so I don't have to always go outside to get a walk in. Finally, I've got a set of Therabands for muscle toning. Hopefully that'll keep me more or less in shape until I can get back into chin-ups and push-ups. I'm also hoping to find a community center that offers pre-natal exercise classes. So far, the only one I've found that offers that is the JCC, which of course is funny because a) I was born Catholic and b) I'm now an atheist. I figure it's probably the same diff as a YMCA. Like they really care about your religion...

I guess that's it in a nutshell. Hats off to women to have more than one kid. Seriously. There is a lot of emotional and physical investment in this. I feel like a sacrificial vessel sometimes. I just hope that the next few months will be less nauseating, as I'm told they *should* be. As for men out there...you will never ever ever ever ever understand or appreciate what it's like to carry a child. I'm sure expectant fathers out there probably feel helpless as a result. I can offer no advice on that. Maybe the hubby will start a blog and dole some out. :)