Nightmare

I think that every pregnant woman's worst fear is miscarriage. With the odds of miscarrying being between 20% and 30% (depending on what you read and what doctor you talk to), the odds are scary. Ever since learning that I was pregnant, I've had the fear of miscarriage lurking in the back of my mind. I've tried to keep calm over the last few months, not allowing myself to get too excited over the whole thing. I don't want to start making any long-term plans until after the first trimester.

Both my parents and my in-laws are thrilled by my pregnancy, and probably don't quite understand why I don't share in their enthusiasm. The truth is, of course I'm excited. I just don't want to get too excited. Not until the first trimester is over. To be fair, you're never out of the woods. The chances of miscarriage just diminish drastically after the first trimester. If it's gonna happen, it's usually during the first trimester. A scary thought, to say the least.

It doesn't help that I keep having these recurring dreams (nightmares, really), of miscarrying. They all pretty much end the same way. I'm in the washroom, and I'm greeted by a spot of blood (sometimes a lot, sometimes a little) on the toilet paper (sorry, TMI). In the dream I scream and cry uncontrollably. Then I slowly come to the realization that it's just a dream and snap out of it. I turn to my husband who is sound asleep beside him and nudge him awake so that he can comfort me. He turns around and wraps his arms around me and I fall fast asleep.