Freakout #1

I labelled this Freakout #1 because I imagine that I'll be freaking out several more times before this kid actually pops out. I've tried to remain somewhat detached for the first few months of pregnancy, because of the risk of miscarriage. Of course, when I saw PK's little heart beating in the first ultrasound, things suddenly became A LOT more real. It was a "HOLY CRAP! There's a life growing inside of me!" type of moment. All of a sudden I saw my life flashing right before me, and I started to feel very old. I'm "only" 28, which is still fairly young for having kids, but all of a sudden, the thought of motherhood started making my youth slip away. All of a sudden I had the urge to swear more (yes, more than I already do), to travel the world, and to be free from authority. I guess I'm having an I'm-almost-30-and-I'm-gonna-have-a-kid crisis.

In some ways, I suppose I'd better become more mature. In other ways though, I feel that if I mature more into that maternal role, I'll suddenly lose my youth and become just another fuddy duddy. Freaky thought. Hopefully the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything will come to me by the time junior makes its world premiere.