A Clarification or Two

One day, somewhere around the time just before becoming pregnant, the hubby and I were at his parents' place for a visit. I don't remember the specifics of the visit, except for one thing. During the course of the visit, my mother-in-law pulled out a journal that she'd kept while pregnant with the hubby. I remember thinking at the time how that was such a cool idea, and thought that when I became pregnant, I'd keep a journal as well. When I found out that I was pregnant with PK, I remembered my journal idea, but I didn't put it into action until my first trimester was almost done. The main reason behind my inaction was that I was petrified of starting a journal, only to have something go terribly wrong with the pregnancy so early on. So I waited until I was at 10 weeks or so to start writing.

My original intention was to keep a paper journal, but I type far faster than I write. I'd considered keeping a Word version of my journal, but that just seems so impersonal. And then I thought of the blog. I already had a blog, and I didn't really want to mix the baby stuff in with that blog, so I decided to create a brand-new blog. One dedicated solely to PK. And so, PK on the Way was born.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about the blog, and she asked me who my intended audience was, stating that what you write is largely influenced by who you write it for. So very true. I guess the answer to that question is that I'm writing for myself, mostly. I enjoy writing, especially when it's done on a whim. I seldom ever sit down with the intention of writing. It just happens. I don't claim to be a great writer, but I still enjoy it. If writing were my destiny, I would not be in IT, would I? The second person I write for is the hubby. I didn't realize it at the time, but after talking to him about it yesterday, I really do. Even though communication is not a barrier in our relationship, he finds that he doesn't always know what I'm thinking/feeling with regards to the pregnancy, and that this is a great way to let him in on my thoughts. Cool! Of course, I also write for PK. I still do think that when PK grows up, she will be terribly embarrassed by this blog, but hopefully she'll reach a point in her life (maybe in her mid-20s) where she'll look upon this blog as something neat. Only time will tell.

I am rather pleasantly surprised by this blog's readership. I've given the URL to a few friends whom I thought might be interested in tracking PK's progress in the womb, but I seem to have acquired some readers outside of that select circle, which I think is awesome. I don't think that my other blog gets nearly that much attention, which is fine too. I just like to rant. :) One of my favorite things is reading the reader comments, even if I disagree with them. As the hubby puts it, the fact that people comment means that I've written something provocative enough to make them want to comment. How neat is that? So thanks to everyone who reads the blog and who enjoys commenting. I'm glad that you find it entertaining in some form or another.

Now, for another clarification on this whole pregnancy thing. I probably sound like a bitter bitter bitch sometimes on my blog. I think the tone is somewhat set on purpose. I just tend to find that the most interesting things to write about are the ones that get me all riled up. I'm just not the "la la la...pregnant life is perfect and awesome" type. And before anybody fires off a bitter angry comment, bear with me for a bit.

First off, I am happy to be pregnant. That being said, I don't enjoy BEING pregnant. Weight gain, constipation, frequent trips to the washroom, trouble sleeping, and cutting back on exercise to me aren't exactly selling points. At the same time, I KNOW that there are tons of women out there who can't get pregnant and would look at me as an ungrateful bitch. I hear you. I've read the literature. I know how bloody hard it is to get pregnant. There are a number of factors that have to line up in just the right way to make this happen. I know that it is a PRIVILEGE to carry a new life form inside of you. I also know how fragile a pregnancy really is (believe me, I know). I don't take my pregnancy for granted, but don't expect me to enjoy every minute of my pregnancy out of guilt. Now you may comment. :)

And one final thing regarding my feeling uncomfortable with the special treatment I get while being pregnant, because I don't think that I got the right point across. The reason why it bothers me when people open doors and keep asking how I'm feeling and all that is BECAUSE I'm pregnant. I know that under normal circumstances, these same people wouldn't give a flying pig about how I'm doing. That's just fact. So I'm bothered by this because I know that it's somewhat hard-wired into us by society and is not an act of genuine concern. The other thing is that at this point in my pregnancy, I stick out like a sore thumb. There's no way you can look at me and tell me that you didn't know I was pregnant. Standing out like that makes me feel uncomfortable. I even felt uncomfortable at my own wedding, where all eyes were on me. I stuck out. I was the lady with the big white dress. Hard to miss. :P

So hopefully this clarifies some things about this blog and about my personality. I hope that my readers continue reading and commenting, that I continue entertaining them in some form or another.